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Unexpected - Chapter 25: Fidelity
Title: Unexpected
Authors:slashpervert and aveeno_baby.
Betas:brknhalo241, asm614, Mini Mouse, and Indie.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: ADULT!
Genre: Fluff, Smut, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Length: 94,000 words (40 Chapters)
Warnings (Mark to Read): Language, Explicit, M/M Sex, Masturbation, Oral, Rimming, Anal, Mpreg, and mental health issues such as anxiety attacks. (Characters in this fiction are over 18.)
Summary: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have lived together for four years in their country house surrounded by a magical menagerie of unwanted animals Harry rescues. Yet, Harry wants more. He dreams of a family that includes children.
Notes: Post-war, AU after HBP, not DH compliant. Sequel to Undesirable, though can be read separately. Whereas, Undesirable was very dark, this one is very fluffy with some angst. Thanks tocorvusdea for help with Latin for spells. Icon adapted by slashpervert from Passion by dirty_darella.
Disclaimer: This is a non-commercial work of fan fiction intended for adult audiences only. No copyright infringement intended. (Full Disclaimer!)
Chapter Number/Total: 25/40
Chapter Title: Fidelity
Words: 3063 Words
Draco did not like his new morning routine. He was, by nature, he believed, a night person. He didn't like mornings. And getting up before the sun seemed like a crime against nature. Yet, the animals needed to be fed and Harry was no longer able to handle the chore.
The dogs still came to Harry, licking him and trying to pull him out of bed. Harry shoved at Draco and Draco forced himself to stumble out of bed and downstairs. He put the kettle on to boil and, still feeling more like an Inferi than a person, stumbled to fill the food bowls for the five animals who weaved in and out of his legs, seeming determined to trip him.
Puck, in particular, not only tried to trip him, but then had the nerve to howl when he got his tail under Draco's foot. At least, this morning, Draco hadn't fallen and strewn pet food all over the floor like last week. The cats, dogs and Jarvey crunching away noisily, Draco made himself a pot of the strongest tea he had and slumped in his chair, trying to gather himself for the climb upstairs to take care of the birds and then out to the barn to take care of Snowball, Fluffy and Lily. It was fall now and getting cold as well.
It was after he'd finished his second cup of tea, finished feeding the animals, and was considering what to feed his perpetually ravenous pregnant boyfriend, that the owl with the Daily Prophet arrived. Draco had nearly forgotten about the reporter until he opened the paper and saw the headline.
"Malfoy Cuckolds Potter! Mistress to Birth Next Malfoy Heir!" Underneath was a picture of Draco and a blurry Harry emerging from Balder's Baby Boutique. "Merde'!" Draco growled and threw the paper down on the table. He tried to ignore it, forcing himself to start Harry's breakfast, but found his eye kept straying back to the paper. He read it while cooking and burned a finger in the process. He should have burned the paper.
Draco took the front section and curled it up, sticking it in the pocket of his robe, before setting the sports section on the breakfast tray for Harry, then carrying it up to their bedroom.
Harry had woken up a little before he heard Draco's footsteps on the stairs. He shifted up on the bed with a groan, patting his stomach when Athena moved with him. "Morning, Athena," he greeted the baby. He’d taken to talking to her more and more.
Draco set the tray down beside his lover. It no longer fit over the man's lap. "You should visit with Lily today. I think she misses you," he said.
"I miss her," Harry said softly, reaching over to get his tea first.
Draco picked at his own food, moving it about the plate more than eating it. He wondered if he could get away with not telling Harry about the paper. Or at least, how long he could delay it.
"I'll see Lily later," Harry said, reaching for his food next and starting to eat. He glanced over at the paper and picked it up, skimming the results of his favourite Quidditch team matches.
Suddenly, there was barking downstairs and Severus came running in the room muttering about "the Mudblood twat," which, naturally, was his affectionate term for Hermione.
Harry looked a little confused as he tried to sit up a little more. "She's here?"
"Apparently," Draco answered and they heard her voice calling from downstairs.
"Hermione?" Harry called out, pushing the sheet away and shifting to get out of the bed.
Draco waved a hand for Harry to stay put and moved down the stairs. He found Hermione dusting off in the sitting room. It was a weekday, so he knew she should be at the Ministry. "What are you doing here?" he asked, a bit abruptly.
"I'd ask why you're such a git this morning, but I've seen the paper," Hermione answered, shaking her head. "How's he taking it?"
"The reporter scared him yesterday but he's calmed down now," Draco answered.
"And today?"
Draco winced. "I haven't shown it to him."
"Draco!" Hermione scolded. "He's going to find out. What were you two thinking anyway? No one would notice you buying baby things? And I can't believe no one saw through that disguise ...."
Holding up a hand, Draco tried to stop her. "He hasn't even had his breakfast yet," he complained.
"Oh," she trailed off. "I suppose it can wait."
"Too late now," Draco huffed at her. "He heard you come in." He turned and moved toward the stairs, leaving her to follow him.
"Hermione!" Harry said with a smile, having already stood up. He waddled over to pick up his dressing gown, feeling a little too exposed in just shorts.
Hermione didn't walk into the room, turning her face away with a bit of a blush until Harry was covered. Draco rolled his eyes at the show of modesty.
"What're you doing here?" Harry asked, smiling at her once his gown was closed.
She glanced at Draco who gave her a disapproving scowl. She took a deep breath. "I wanted to see how you are doing. My look at you, so big ...."
"I know," Harry said, blushing as he sat down on the bed again, having to grip the bedpost to lower himself. "I'm huge, yeah."
She ventured inside the room then, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "That's good. She's doing well then?"
"She's doing great," Harry said, taking Hermione's hand and resting it on his stomach. "We went shopping yesterday."
Her lips pursed but she patted his belly affectionately. "She'll be here before you know it. Although I must confess, the last two months do feel like they last forever."
Draco leant against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. He was tired and annoyed and trying to remind himself not to be upset with Hermione when it was the reporters that had really angered him.
"It's already feeling like forever," Harry said, shrugging a little. "The lotion is helping though. Thank you for that."
Draco took a big breath and let it out in a long sigh, then pushed off and walked around the other side of the bed to sit behind his lover. He noticed that Harry had eaten his own breakfast, and part of Draco's. He moved the tray off the bed.
"So how did yesterday go?" Hermione said, attempting to manoeuvre to the topic.
"Really good," Harry replied, glancing up at Draco when he sighed. He wanted to ask what was wrong, because it obviously looked like something was. "I was going to start on fixing up the room today."
"Harry, I know about the reporter," Hermione said.
Harry looked back at Draco, silently asking if he had said something. "How do you know?" he asked Hermione.
"It's in the paper," Draco answered.
"It is?" Harry asked, his eyes widening as he reached for the part of the paper that was still lying on the bed. "I didn't see anything!"
Draco frowned and it was Hermione's turn to give him a disapproving look. "I just didn't want to upset you before breakfast," he explained, pulling the rest of the paper out of his pocket.
"I was wondering where the front page was," Harry mumbled as he snatched it out of Draco's hands and looked it over. "Oh no ... oh no!"
Draco placed a hand on Harry's back. He found the touch usually helped with Harry's anxiety attacks.
"I hate when they say awful stuff about you," Harry said, shaking his head a few times as he took a deep breath. "So the whole wizarding world thinks you're having a baby with someone else. What do you think we should do?"
Hermione and Draco exchanged looks again. "It depends on whether or not you want to tell them the truth," Hermione answered.
"No," Harry said immediately. "No, no. I don't want to be a test subject."
"Exactly," Draco said. "I don't care what they think of me. Harry's safety is what matters."
Harry didn't like that Draco didn't think about himself sometimes, but he didn't complain right then.
"It doesn't change anything," Draco insisted. "We just ignore the paper." Except, the words were barely out of his mouth when there was a tapping on the window. He looked over to see several owls flapping outside. Draco reluctantly went to open the window so that the owls could fly inside where they landed on the bed.
"We never get these many owls at once," Harry said, reaching for the letters.
Then three more owls followed the first group. Draco and Hermione both began untying parchment from owls, some of whom seemed surly. Draco fed them toast. It was the red envelope that worried him the most.
Harry’s eyes widened when he saw the Howler. “Uh oh.”
Draco took the red one and threw it out the window and they could hear the screaming from it as it fluttered down. They found the gist of it to be pretty consistent with the other letters, which mostly called Draco various obscenities for his mistreatment of their hero. There were two letters addressed to Harry, urging him to hex Draco and leave him.
Draco shooed all the owls back out the window as Harry looked through the letters, wincing with each one. He couldn't believe that all of this was because of what happened just yesterday.
Draco didn't even have a chance to shut the window before more owls flew in. He gathered the letters, not even bothering to open the new ones. Hermione helped get the additional owls out and then closed the window.
"We should've never gone out yesterday," Harry said quietly, gripping the sheets when he saw more birds flying up and tapping on the closed window. He had never felt such a strong urge to hex something as much as he did then.
Hermione cast a Silencing Charm on the window and the pulled the curtains closed and Draco moved to wrap his arms around Harry. "It's all right, I don't care about that," he assured his lover.
"Would you stop saying that!" Harry exclaimed. "You don't care, but I do!"
Draco didn't know what to say to that, petting his lover's hair as he tried to soothe him. "I love you."
Harry sighed and nodded, gently pulling himself away from Draco. "I love you, too," he said and then got up, heading out of the room. He tried to stomp but it was more of a waddle.
Draco shot Hermione a worried look but quickly followed his lover.
"I'm just going to the baby's room," Harry said, turning into the room next to their own.
"May I come with you?" Draco asked, not comfortable leaving Harry alone in this state.
"Why?" Harry asked, making it over to the rocking chair Draco had put in there and lowering himself down. He had to stretch to reach for one of the packages next to it.
The chair was the only furniture in the room, since the rest hadn't been delivered yet. "Because I want to take care of you," Draco said, sitting on the floor in front of the chair.
"I don't need to be taken care of right now, Draco," Harry said, looking over the different things in this box. There were special baby shampoos and soaps, a soft bristle brush that they'd use to brush her hair. He fingered the brush. Looking at these things calmed him down.
"Maybe I do," Draco admitted, realising with a start that it was true. This had upset him and he didn't know what he was supposed to do.
"No, it's always you taking care of me, and you don't even think about taking care about yourself," Harry said, looking over at him. "I want you to help you, and I can't ... and you're not even caring, so." He gave a shrug, stroking the baby brush.
Draco looked down, fingers plucking at his trousers. He had lost everything that had mattered to him during the war. Or at least, that was the way it had felt. He'd rebuilt his life, become a Healer and then gave that up for Harry. Since then, Harry had been the centre of his world. He sighed. "You want me to care about what those people think of me? What would happen to me if I did?"
"No, I just ... I want you to think about you sometimes, that's all," Harry said softly, running a hand through his hair. "I love that I'm your everything. You're my everything, too."
Draco looked up, eyes on Harry. "And now we will have both each other and a child. We will be a family. I want to do this right, to be better than my father was. To be better than even my mother. She loved me. I know that. But she didn't protect me. I want to protect my family. And that begins with you."
"I love you and I love that you are protective," Harry murmured, sighing and sliding off the chair to sit down next to him. “But shouldn’t you protect yourself too?”
Draco reached to steady Harry. It wasn't easy for the man to get down on the floor without falling. Draco moved up, arms and legs on either side so he could pull his lover against him. "I know I look like I don't care about myself. It's not really true. I actually think I've always been a pretty selfish person. I know that. Truth is, that I don't give a damn about most people. I care about you. You're mine."
“How is that selfish?” Harry asked, settling back against Draco and looking up into his face.
Draco frowned, looking away. Could he admit this to Harry? Harry was the kind of person who cared about everyone. He felt Harry’s hand on his cheek, urging Draco to looked back again and he let him.
“Answer me,” Harry insisted. “I know you love me. And you do everything for me. I know you don’t like getting up early or going to buy Muggle foods, and you wouldn’t probably have all these pets. You do so much and you hardly complain. I can’t see any of that as selfish.”
Draco could hardly stand to look into those earnest green eyes. He closed his own and took a deep breath. “Because … I really don’t care about anyone else. Not the way that other people seem to. I can’t get worked up over some Muggle in the street or even another wizard who is in trouble. I feel like I only have room for you.” He peeked again, looking at Harry’s calm face. Not seeing anger, Draco took Harry’s hand and placed it on his chest, over Draco’s heart. “I feel so much when I look at you, touch you. But I just don’t feel it with other people. If I lost you, I think I would go numb, that I wouldn’t be able to feel anything.”
Harry gave a kind of soft, sad smile. “You aren’t going to lose me. I'm yours," he said softly, having always loved the idea. "Yours ... and we're having a daughter. That we're going to try our best to protect."
Draco winced. That was the other part of the problem. He really was afraid he wouldn’t love the child. What if Harry was the only person he could love?
Harry shook his head and sighed. “Tell me.”
Draco flushed and shifted uncomfortably. Harry’s eyes were so trusting. “I think I can only love you.”
Comprehension dawned and Harry’s eyes widened. “You think you won’t love the baby.”
Draco closed his eyes, afraid to look now. Afraid to confirm that.
“Look at me,” Harry insisted, squeezing Draco’s hand on his. He knew Draco had been afraid, but he hadn’t realised that this really was something that Draco believed about himself. He waited until Draco opened his eyes again. “You already love her. Look at the way you are always touching my belly, the way you would let people think bad things of you rather than risk her. Draco, you love Athena now.”
“Only because … she’s part of you,” Draco answered.
Harry laughed softly. “Well, she will be her own person, I am sure. But she will always be part of both of us too. And I know you will always love her and do the best you can for her, Draco.” He pulled Draco’s hand to his own belly, pressing it to the warm solid presence of their daughter under the skin.
Draco could feel her. She felt so real. He still had his doubts about whether he would be a good father. But Harry was right. She was part of Harry and he loved all of Harry. Maybe he could be a good father, because of that. Maybe it would be enough. He smiled at Harry and leant in for a kiss.
Harry relaxed into the kiss, enjoying being held by Draco and the feeling that maybe he did help Draco sometimes too. When he pulled back to look into Draco’s face, the other man looked calm again. “So what next?” Harry asked. “What do we do about the owls and everything?”
"Today we will have a whole nursery of things to unpack and Luna comes tomorrow to help us plan for her birth," Draco agreed. "When she is safely here, we will tell the papers the truth. Until then, let people say whatever they want. I have everything that matters to me."
"All right," Harry agreed softly. Even though he still didn't want the world to know about his pregnancy, he thought they didn't have a choice really. "Have we decided on what colour to paint the walls?"
Hermione came in and admired things for a bit before she had to Floo back to work. Draco set up a Screening Charm which would prevent owls from reaching them unless they had a Pass Charm. He put a similar ward on the Floo, just to be safe. Then he and Harry spent the day decorating and setting up the nursery.
[Harry comforting Draco makes me smile.]
Chapter 26
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Title: Unexpected
Authors:
slashpervert and aveeno_baby.Betas:
brknhalo241, asm614, Mini Mouse, and Indie.Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: ADULT!
Genre: Fluff, Smut, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Length: 94,000 words (40 Chapters)
Warnings (Mark to Read): Language, Explicit, M/M Sex, Masturbation, Oral, Rimming, Anal, Mpreg, and mental health issues such as anxiety attacks. (Characters in this fiction are over 18.)
Summary: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have lived together for four years in their country house surrounded by a magical menagerie of unwanted animals Harry rescues. Yet, Harry wants more. He dreams of a family that includes children.
Notes: Post-war, AU after HBP, not DH compliant. Sequel to Undesirable, though can be read separately. Whereas, Undesirable was very dark, this one is very fluffy with some angst. Thanks to
corvusdea for help with Latin for spells. Icon adapted by slashpervert from Passion by dirty_darella.Disclaimer: This is a non-commercial work of fan fiction intended for adult audiences only. No copyright infringement intended. (Full Disclaimer!)
Chapter Number/Total: 25/40
Chapter Title: Fidelity
Words: 3063 Words
Draco did not like his new morning routine. He was, by nature, he believed, a night person. He didn't like mornings. And getting up before the sun seemed like a crime against nature. Yet, the animals needed to be fed and Harry was no longer able to handle the chore.
The dogs still came to Harry, licking him and trying to pull him out of bed. Harry shoved at Draco and Draco forced himself to stumble out of bed and downstairs. He put the kettle on to boil and, still feeling more like an Inferi than a person, stumbled to fill the food bowls for the five animals who weaved in and out of his legs, seeming determined to trip him.
Puck, in particular, not only tried to trip him, but then had the nerve to howl when he got his tail under Draco's foot. At least, this morning, Draco hadn't fallen and strewn pet food all over the floor like last week. The cats, dogs and Jarvey crunching away noisily, Draco made himself a pot of the strongest tea he had and slumped in his chair, trying to gather himself for the climb upstairs to take care of the birds and then out to the barn to take care of Snowball, Fluffy and Lily. It was fall now and getting cold as well.
It was after he'd finished his second cup of tea, finished feeding the animals, and was considering what to feed his perpetually ravenous pregnant boyfriend, that the owl with the Daily Prophet arrived. Draco had nearly forgotten about the reporter until he opened the paper and saw the headline.
"Malfoy Cuckolds Potter! Mistress to Birth Next Malfoy Heir!" Underneath was a picture of Draco and a blurry Harry emerging from Balder's Baby Boutique. "Merde'!" Draco growled and threw the paper down on the table. He tried to ignore it, forcing himself to start Harry's breakfast, but found his eye kept straying back to the paper. He read it while cooking and burned a finger in the process. He should have burned the paper.
Draco took the front section and curled it up, sticking it in the pocket of his robe, before setting the sports section on the breakfast tray for Harry, then carrying it up to their bedroom.
Harry had woken up a little before he heard Draco's footsteps on the stairs. He shifted up on the bed with a groan, patting his stomach when Athena moved with him. "Morning, Athena," he greeted the baby. He’d taken to talking to her more and more.
Draco set the tray down beside his lover. It no longer fit over the man's lap. "You should visit with Lily today. I think she misses you," he said.
"I miss her," Harry said softly, reaching over to get his tea first.
Draco picked at his own food, moving it about the plate more than eating it. He wondered if he could get away with not telling Harry about the paper. Or at least, how long he could delay it.
"I'll see Lily later," Harry said, reaching for his food next and starting to eat. He glanced over at the paper and picked it up, skimming the results of his favourite Quidditch team matches.
Suddenly, there was barking downstairs and Severus came running in the room muttering about "the Mudblood twat," which, naturally, was his affectionate term for Hermione.
Harry looked a little confused as he tried to sit up a little more. "She's here?"
"Apparently," Draco answered and they heard her voice calling from downstairs.
"Hermione?" Harry called out, pushing the sheet away and shifting to get out of the bed.
Draco waved a hand for Harry to stay put and moved down the stairs. He found Hermione dusting off in the sitting room. It was a weekday, so he knew she should be at the Ministry. "What are you doing here?" he asked, a bit abruptly.
"I'd ask why you're such a git this morning, but I've seen the paper," Hermione answered, shaking her head. "How's he taking it?"
"The reporter scared him yesterday but he's calmed down now," Draco answered.
"And today?"
Draco winced. "I haven't shown it to him."
"Draco!" Hermione scolded. "He's going to find out. What were you two thinking anyway? No one would notice you buying baby things? And I can't believe no one saw through that disguise ...."
Holding up a hand, Draco tried to stop her. "He hasn't even had his breakfast yet," he complained.
"Oh," she trailed off. "I suppose it can wait."
"Too late now," Draco huffed at her. "He heard you come in." He turned and moved toward the stairs, leaving her to follow him.
"Hermione!" Harry said with a smile, having already stood up. He waddled over to pick up his dressing gown, feeling a little too exposed in just shorts.
Hermione didn't walk into the room, turning her face away with a bit of a blush until Harry was covered. Draco rolled his eyes at the show of modesty.
"What're you doing here?" Harry asked, smiling at her once his gown was closed.
She glanced at Draco who gave her a disapproving scowl. She took a deep breath. "I wanted to see how you are doing. My look at you, so big ...."
"I know," Harry said, blushing as he sat down on the bed again, having to grip the bedpost to lower himself. "I'm huge, yeah."
She ventured inside the room then, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "That's good. She's doing well then?"
"She's doing great," Harry said, taking Hermione's hand and resting it on his stomach. "We went shopping yesterday."
Her lips pursed but she patted his belly affectionately. "She'll be here before you know it. Although I must confess, the last two months do feel like they last forever."
Draco leant against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. He was tired and annoyed and trying to remind himself not to be upset with Hermione when it was the reporters that had really angered him.
"It's already feeling like forever," Harry said, shrugging a little. "The lotion is helping though. Thank you for that."
Draco took a big breath and let it out in a long sigh, then pushed off and walked around the other side of the bed to sit behind his lover. He noticed that Harry had eaten his own breakfast, and part of Draco's. He moved the tray off the bed.
"So how did yesterday go?" Hermione said, attempting to manoeuvre to the topic.
"Really good," Harry replied, glancing up at Draco when he sighed. He wanted to ask what was wrong, because it obviously looked like something was. "I was going to start on fixing up the room today."
"Harry, I know about the reporter," Hermione said.
Harry looked back at Draco, silently asking if he had said something. "How do you know?" he asked Hermione.
"It's in the paper," Draco answered.
"It is?" Harry asked, his eyes widening as he reached for the part of the paper that was still lying on the bed. "I didn't see anything!"
Draco frowned and it was Hermione's turn to give him a disapproving look. "I just didn't want to upset you before breakfast," he explained, pulling the rest of the paper out of his pocket.
"I was wondering where the front page was," Harry mumbled as he snatched it out of Draco's hands and looked it over. "Oh no ... oh no!"
Draco placed a hand on Harry's back. He found the touch usually helped with Harry's anxiety attacks.
"I hate when they say awful stuff about you," Harry said, shaking his head a few times as he took a deep breath. "So the whole wizarding world thinks you're having a baby with someone else. What do you think we should do?"
Hermione and Draco exchanged looks again. "It depends on whether or not you want to tell them the truth," Hermione answered.
"No," Harry said immediately. "No, no. I don't want to be a test subject."
"Exactly," Draco said. "I don't care what they think of me. Harry's safety is what matters."
Harry didn't like that Draco didn't think about himself sometimes, but he didn't complain right then.
"It doesn't change anything," Draco insisted. "We just ignore the paper." Except, the words were barely out of his mouth when there was a tapping on the window. He looked over to see several owls flapping outside. Draco reluctantly went to open the window so that the owls could fly inside where they landed on the bed.
"We never get these many owls at once," Harry said, reaching for the letters.
Then three more owls followed the first group. Draco and Hermione both began untying parchment from owls, some of whom seemed surly. Draco fed them toast. It was the red envelope that worried him the most.
Harry’s eyes widened when he saw the Howler. “Uh oh.”
Draco took the red one and threw it out the window and they could hear the screaming from it as it fluttered down. They found the gist of it to be pretty consistent with the other letters, which mostly called Draco various obscenities for his mistreatment of their hero. There were two letters addressed to Harry, urging him to hex Draco and leave him.
Draco shooed all the owls back out the window as Harry looked through the letters, wincing with each one. He couldn't believe that all of this was because of what happened just yesterday.
Draco didn't even have a chance to shut the window before more owls flew in. He gathered the letters, not even bothering to open the new ones. Hermione helped get the additional owls out and then closed the window.
"We should've never gone out yesterday," Harry said quietly, gripping the sheets when he saw more birds flying up and tapping on the closed window. He had never felt such a strong urge to hex something as much as he did then.
Hermione cast a Silencing Charm on the window and the pulled the curtains closed and Draco moved to wrap his arms around Harry. "It's all right, I don't care about that," he assured his lover.
"Would you stop saying that!" Harry exclaimed. "You don't care, but I do!"
Draco didn't know what to say to that, petting his lover's hair as he tried to soothe him. "I love you."
Harry sighed and nodded, gently pulling himself away from Draco. "I love you, too," he said and then got up, heading out of the room. He tried to stomp but it was more of a waddle.
Draco shot Hermione a worried look but quickly followed his lover.
"I'm just going to the baby's room," Harry said, turning into the room next to their own.
"May I come with you?" Draco asked, not comfortable leaving Harry alone in this state.
"Why?" Harry asked, making it over to the rocking chair Draco had put in there and lowering himself down. He had to stretch to reach for one of the packages next to it.
The chair was the only furniture in the room, since the rest hadn't been delivered yet. "Because I want to take care of you," Draco said, sitting on the floor in front of the chair.
"I don't need to be taken care of right now, Draco," Harry said, looking over the different things in this box. There were special baby shampoos and soaps, a soft bristle brush that they'd use to brush her hair. He fingered the brush. Looking at these things calmed him down.
"Maybe I do," Draco admitted, realising with a start that it was true. This had upset him and he didn't know what he was supposed to do.
"No, it's always you taking care of me, and you don't even think about taking care about yourself," Harry said, looking over at him. "I want you to help you, and I can't ... and you're not even caring, so." He gave a shrug, stroking the baby brush.
Draco looked down, fingers plucking at his trousers. He had lost everything that had mattered to him during the war. Or at least, that was the way it had felt. He'd rebuilt his life, become a Healer and then gave that up for Harry. Since then, Harry had been the centre of his world. He sighed. "You want me to care about what those people think of me? What would happen to me if I did?"
"No, I just ... I want you to think about you sometimes, that's all," Harry said softly, running a hand through his hair. "I love that I'm your everything. You're my everything, too."
Draco looked up, eyes on Harry. "And now we will have both each other and a child. We will be a family. I want to do this right, to be better than my father was. To be better than even my mother. She loved me. I know that. But she didn't protect me. I want to protect my family. And that begins with you."
"I love you and I love that you are protective," Harry murmured, sighing and sliding off the chair to sit down next to him. “But shouldn’t you protect yourself too?”
Draco reached to steady Harry. It wasn't easy for the man to get down on the floor without falling. Draco moved up, arms and legs on either side so he could pull his lover against him. "I know I look like I don't care about myself. It's not really true. I actually think I've always been a pretty selfish person. I know that. Truth is, that I don't give a damn about most people. I care about you. You're mine."
“How is that selfish?” Harry asked, settling back against Draco and looking up into his face.
Draco frowned, looking away. Could he admit this to Harry? Harry was the kind of person who cared about everyone. He felt Harry’s hand on his cheek, urging Draco to looked back again and he let him.
“Answer me,” Harry insisted. “I know you love me. And you do everything for me. I know you don’t like getting up early or going to buy Muggle foods, and you wouldn’t probably have all these pets. You do so much and you hardly complain. I can’t see any of that as selfish.”
Draco could hardly stand to look into those earnest green eyes. He closed his own and took a deep breath. “Because … I really don’t care about anyone else. Not the way that other people seem to. I can’t get worked up over some Muggle in the street or even another wizard who is in trouble. I feel like I only have room for you.” He peeked again, looking at Harry’s calm face. Not seeing anger, Draco took Harry’s hand and placed it on his chest, over Draco’s heart. “I feel so much when I look at you, touch you. But I just don’t feel it with other people. If I lost you, I think I would go numb, that I wouldn’t be able to feel anything.”
Harry gave a kind of soft, sad smile. “You aren’t going to lose me. I'm yours," he said softly, having always loved the idea. "Yours ... and we're having a daughter. That we're going to try our best to protect."
Draco winced. That was the other part of the problem. He really was afraid he wouldn’t love the child. What if Harry was the only person he could love?
Harry shook his head and sighed. “Tell me.”
Draco flushed and shifted uncomfortably. Harry’s eyes were so trusting. “I think I can only love you.”
Comprehension dawned and Harry’s eyes widened. “You think you won’t love the baby.”
Draco closed his eyes, afraid to look now. Afraid to confirm that.
“Look at me,” Harry insisted, squeezing Draco’s hand on his. He knew Draco had been afraid, but he hadn’t realised that this really was something that Draco believed about himself. He waited until Draco opened his eyes again. “You already love her. Look at the way you are always touching my belly, the way you would let people think bad things of you rather than risk her. Draco, you love Athena now.”
“Only because … she’s part of you,” Draco answered.
Harry laughed softly. “Well, she will be her own person, I am sure. But she will always be part of both of us too. And I know you will always love her and do the best you can for her, Draco.” He pulled Draco’s hand to his own belly, pressing it to the warm solid presence of their daughter under the skin.
Draco could feel her. She felt so real. He still had his doubts about whether he would be a good father. But Harry was right. She was part of Harry and he loved all of Harry. Maybe he could be a good father, because of that. Maybe it would be enough. He smiled at Harry and leant in for a kiss.
Harry relaxed into the kiss, enjoying being held by Draco and the feeling that maybe he did help Draco sometimes too. When he pulled back to look into Draco’s face, the other man looked calm again. “So what next?” Harry asked. “What do we do about the owls and everything?”
"Today we will have a whole nursery of things to unpack and Luna comes tomorrow to help us plan for her birth," Draco agreed. "When she is safely here, we will tell the papers the truth. Until then, let people say whatever they want. I have everything that matters to me."
"All right," Harry agreed softly. Even though he still didn't want the world to know about his pregnancy, he thought they didn't have a choice really. "Have we decided on what colour to paint the walls?"
Hermione came in and admired things for a bit before she had to Floo back to work. Draco set up a Screening Charm which would prevent owls from reaching them unless they had a Pass Charm. He put a similar ward on the Floo, just to be safe. Then he and Harry spent the day decorating and setting up the nursery.
[Harry comforting Draco makes me smile.]
Chapter 26
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