Entry tags:

aveeno_baby, fiction, held in darkness

Held in Darkness - Chapter 36: Twice Blessed

Title: Held in Darkness
Authors: slashpervert and aveeno_baby
Betas: Mini Mouse, golden_snitch12, elfwreck and aislinn
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: ADULT!
Genre: Darkfic, Smut, Hurt/Comfort (Torture/Recovery)
Length: 96,300 words (36 chapters)
Pairing: Harry/Severus, Harry/Others: Harry/Voldemort, Harry/Lucius, Harry/Bellatrix/Lestranges, Harry/Mcnair, Harry/other Death Eaters, Harry/Fred/George, Harry/Ron.
Summary: Harry's search for the Horcruxes is cut short when he is captured and thrown into a life of sexual servitude to Voldemort and his Death Eaters. He is forced to endure rape, a sex-change and impregnation by the Dark Lord. His only support during this tortuous imprisonment is a man he thought he hated. Has Harry lost everything or will the unlikely ally of Severus Snape help him do more than just survive?
Warnings: This story is going to hit most people’s squick factor. It even hits mine. It's supposed to push limits. Seriously, be sure you can handle that before you read it. Warnings include: (Mark to read.) Language. M/M sex including anal, oral, rimming etc. M/F sex (kind of) including intercourse, oral and anal. Multiple partners in consensual and non-consensual situations. Violent rape and other forms of non-consensual sex. Cock and ball torture, including urethral sounding. Forced sex change. Forced pregnancy. Miscarriage including late term fetal death. Live birth. Torture, violence and humiliation. Bondage in several forms. Touch and ingestion of blood, urine and other bodily fluids. Gang rape, in both m/m, m/f and f/f forms. Inappropriate use of snakes. (Practically the only thing not in it is main character death. Harry and Severus both live.)
Notes: This story is AU from near the end of HBP. It takes some liberties with the final scene on the tower and uses parts of DH, while ignoring most of it. The story is primarily a Harry/Severus one, told from a captive Harry’s point of view. Harry spends most of the story in a female body since he is forced to take a sex-change potion. He still sees himself as male, thus the gender pronouns remain primarily masculine even when he has a female form. Thanks to corvusdea for help with Latin for spells. Both icon and title of the fic are from, with permission, Ponderosa's art, Held in Darkness.
Disclaimer: This is a non-commercial work of fan fiction intended for adult audiences only. No copyright or trademark infringement intended. (Full Disclaimer!)

Chapter Number/Total: 36/36
Chapter Title: Twice Blessed
Words: 3500 Words



Bill turned on the Wireless, setting it to a music station and said it was time to dance. Severus arched an eyebrow and looking warningly at Harry.

"What?" Harry asked, already bouncing from where he sat. He was happy, unbelievably so.

"I don't dance," Severus answered.

"Neither do I, but --" Harry said, standing up and grabbing at Severus' hand.

"Awww, give a little, Severus," Molly chastised, and everyone else joined in, telling Severus to dance with his "beautiful bride."

Severus rolled his eyes, but relented, standing and taking Harry into his arms. It was actually a little odd dancing with the huge mound of Harry's belly between them, but when Severus looked at Harry with such affection, Harry felt like he could fly. Harry wasn't the best of dancers either, even less so like this, but he was enthusiastic, grinning when the song changed to a faster one.

The rest of his friends joined in, dancing on the grass beside the little cabin. Even the babies seemed to be trying to dance, kicking Harry harder than usual. Harry's dancing faltered, but not by much, and he turned to dance with Hermione and then Ron, laughing when Ron’s face predictably reddened.

Then the twins took a turn, actually dancing with Harry at the same time and spinning him back and forth between them. Harry couldn't stop laughing, dancing between Fred and George. They didn't resent him and Severus, playful as always. He didn't want to ignore Severus, though, and eventually waddled back over to him, gripping his arms and making a face when the baby kicked him particularly hard. Severus had sat back down and instead of getting up, he pulled Harry into his lap.

"I needed a break," Harry panted, leaning forward to bury his face in Severus' neck. "Baby decided he wanted to join in on the fun."

An arm around Harry, Severus laid his other hand on Harry's belly. "Seems to have your enthusiasm."

"He should wait till he's out," Harry groaned, tensing when he felt another pain, lower than before. "I have to pee." Harry had had to pee a lot lately so Severus simply helped him to his feet. "Then I'll come back and dance," Harry decided, gripping the man's hand as he was led back to the house.

Severus shook his head, but his lips quirked in a smile as he helped Harry to the loo. The veil got caught on the door knob and Severus had to untangle it.

"Stupid thing," Harry grumbled, finally getting it off so he could pull his underwear down to sit on the toilet. Severus could have left him alone, but didn't seemed to mind waiting, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Harry finished, but needed Severus' help to stand up after.

"So, back to dancing? And you're not allowed to sit down. I'm the pregnant ..." Harry stopped speaking then, frowning and looking down. He could feel a gush of liquid, running down his legs. He didn't understand how he could pee himself after just going.

A pool of blood-tinged water formed around Harry's feet and Severus' eyes went wide. "You are in labour," he said.

"Oh. Shit," Harry whispered, looking up at Severus with wide eyes. "What. What now? We have to go?"

"I will help you into the bedroom and then have someone contact the midwife," Severus said. They had had the Floo connected to the system when the Wizengamot had pardoned Severus. With two pregnant women in the house, it was better to have a way to get in and out without Apparition.

"Okay," Harry mumbled, standing nervously in the puddle of liquid. He should have been ready by that point, but anything could go wrong.

Severus opened the door and found Ron waiting to use the loo. "Get Hermione," Severus barked. "Have her contact the Healer."

Ron's eyes darted to Harry. "What? Oh!" He turned and fled outside to get Hermione.

Severus helped Harry to the bedroom, leaving wet footprints with each step. Then Severus set about stripping off the now-soiled wedding dress and casting a Cleaning Charm on Harry.

"I'm scared," Harry finally admitted, cupping his swollen stomach with both of his hands.

Half their friends came rushing to the door and Mrs Weasley had to shoo them all out except for Fleur who sat in the chair beside the bed. Fleur got Harry a nightshirt so he wasn’t sitting naked in front of his friends. They were always more concerned about clothing than he was. At the moment, Harry felt almsot too hot for clothes. Severus moved up to sit on the bed with Harry, holding him. "Do you feel contractions?"

"Uhm ... possibly," he murmured, actually not very sure if he had experienced hard kicks or contractions.

Hermione came in too. "Healer Brady said to start timing the contractions and Floo her again when they have reached five minutes apart."

Harry felt the ripple then, like a squeezing pain in his back. That definitely wasn't a kick, he thought, wincing hard and rubbing at his stomach and his lower back with each hand. "That hurt."

Fleur adjusted Harry's pillows and reminded Harry that Healer Bradley had said to take slow breaths while Severus began rubbing Harry's back.

"I need to lay back," Harry whispered a few moments later, pushing blankets off his legs since he felt overheated.

When the next contraction came, Severus announced it had been eight minutes.

"So, what am I waiting for?" Harry asked, already having enough of the things. They felt like the cramps he had got when he wasn't pregnant, only much worse.

"It will take hours," Severus reminded him, even though the Healer had told him that.

"No-o," Harry whined. He spent hours getting up and down, pacing and complaining. It was hours of pain that came and went, getting faster and stronger, and Harry grew tired.

It felt like forever before they reached the five-minute mark on the contractions and the midwife arrived. She was a middle-aged witch with a kindly but firm manner. They had to be careful to use Harry's other name, Haley, and cast the disguise charm on his forehead, because she didn't know who he really was.

Severus stayed with him the whole time, while their other friends took turns. Severus and Healer Bradley both assured Harry, several times, that this was normal, and Harry found himself wondering about the sanity of women like Mrs Weasley who did this over and over.

"I'm so tired," Harry complained, his body and hair soaked with sweat and his throat dry. He groaned loudly yet again when another contraction went through him. He didn't know how much more he could take of this. "Sev, Sev," he sobbed. "It hurts."

Severus sat up with his back against the headboard as Harry leant against his chest. Severus held him through the contractions and Healer Bradley would occasionally use a spell to look inside "Haley" and check to see how far she was dilated. "Almost there, dear," she announced.

"How much longer?" Harry asked pitifully, digging his fingers into Severus' thighs during the next contraction. The man winced but didn’t complain.

Healer Bradley was gentle, no longer alarmed by the scars on Haley's thighs, though she had looked worried when she had first examined "Haley." She was professional, but kind, and focussed on her job. "All right, let's see you push with the next one."

"Finally?" Harry asked. "Could I get some water --" He had started just before he felt the contraction, gripping Severus' hands as he bore down, trying to push through the pain.

"Breathe," Severus reminded him. It sounded odd to be told to breathe, but Harry found he needed the reminder since he had a tendency to hold his breath instead. Severus supported his body, helping and letting Harry hold his hand so tightly that it must have been painful. Harry let out the breath he was holding, gritting his teeth.

Severus kissed the side of his face. "Very good," he whispered.

Healer Bradley smiled up at them. She hadn't seemed to like Severus at first but was now taken with how gentle he was with Haley.

"Water," Harry whispered, turning his head to kiss him tiredly. "I have to do that again ... and again ... right?"

Mrs Weasley mopped Harry's forehead with a damp cloth. "First one's always the hardest," she said.

"Dunno how you did it," Harry grumbled. She laughed and kissed Harry's cheek. Then another contraction was on him and Harry could feel the babies moving lower, pushing to get out. Harry cried as he pushed through the first one, gripping Severus' hand so tightly he thought he'd break the fingers. Severus held on steadfastly. He didn't say a lot of flowery things like some people did, but he never flinched at helping Harry.

Harry was almost surprised when he felt the stretch down there, his body opening up to allow the baby's head. "There's the crown," the Healer announced. Harry panted, waiting for the next contraction so he could push again, wanting the baby out so badly. He could feel the Healer touching and moving the baby. "All right, big push on the next one," Bradley said. Mrs Weasley, Fleur and Hermione were all behind her, watching. Hermione looked awestruck.

Harry felt a burst of adrenaline and pushed as hard as he could on the next one.The baby's shoulders cleared the passage and the rest slid out with a rush of fluid. Harry heard a squalling sound.

Harry sobbed in relief, blinking open his eyes to see as Healer Bradley held up the messy little body, arms and legs wriggling. "A boy," she declared. The Healer used a spell to cut and tie the cord before Mrs Weasley wrapped the baby in a blanket Harry had picked out ahead of time. But before they could hand Harry the bundle, another hard contraction hit.

Harry couldn't help but scream, his voice ragged as he gripped Severus' hand.

"Now for the next one!" Healer Bradley said.

Harry wanted both his babies but he whimpered, wished it was over with already. Harry yelled, automatically pushing on the next contraction. He pushed harder, feeling what had to be the other baby's head stretching him again.

Harry was blinking tears out of his eyes, feeling the rush of fluid and the baby's shoulders squeezing out of him. "Oh, my God," he whispered.

Healer Bradley was there, guiding and catching the second baby. It didn't take much longer; a couple pushes and the baby was sliding out like the other one. "A girl!"

"A girl," Harry whimpered, looking up to see the baby. Harry had a son and a daughter.

This one was quieter, and the Healer was frowning. She cast a couple of spells Harry hadn't heard before.

"Is there a problem?" Severus asked.

"Is there?" Harry asked worriedly, trying to see.

They heard a small hiccup sound and both Mrs Weasley and the Healer sighed. "She seems fine now, but she wasn't breathing just after she came out."

"Can I see my babies?" Harry asked, his knees falling apart as he relaxed back against Severus again. He could feel blood and other various liquids soaking the bedding. His stomach had visibly gone down, but there was still a good lump.

"Yes, but let's get the placentas out first," the Healer said and had Harry push for several more minutes. Hermione was holding the baby boy while Mrs Weasley cleaned the girl. The Healer helped Harry through the last part and then cast more charms to stop the bleeding and clean Haley up. Severus was still petting Harry's hair soothingly.

"Ready to see them?" Mrs Weasley asked.

Harry was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep for hours and hours, but he held his arms out again. "My babies ..."

Severus helped Harry sit up more, then Mrs Weasley moved up on one side and Hermione on the other, lowering each tiny baby into Harry's arms. They were both smaller than Harry had imagined they would be, with dark coloured hair. Harry couldn't be sure if it was brown or jet black. Either way they were both beautiful. "And here are the little ones who have been eating half my food," he murmured.

"Trust you to overdo this as well," Severus mused, smiling. "What will you call them?"

Harry stared in wonder at the two tiny babies. He looked at the boy, whose eyes were only open a little. He looked really tired. "Rhys," he said, leaning down to kiss his forehead. The baby yawned. "And Robin." He kissed the wide-eyed baby girl's forehead.

"That's wonderful," Hermione said. Mrs Weasley went to tell all the others who were waiting in the front room. Most of their friends who had attended the wedding had stayed through the night, waiting to hear about the birth. They heard happy shouts from the room when the news was relayed.

Harry grinned, turning a little to look up at Severus. "Thank you."

"You're the one who made them, Harry," he pointed out.

"For being here for me, Sev," Harry said, pouting a little. "I sweated all over you, and I probably broke your fingers."

"Wouldn't be the first time," Severus answered, drawing one finger over the chin of Rhys who immediately tried to suckle the finger.

"Probably won't be the last," Harry murmured, looking back down at the babies. "Does your finger taste good?"

"You would be the best judge of that," Severus drawled, causing Hermione to blush.

Mrs Weasley brought fresh linens to cover Harry and soon all their friends wanted to come in to see Harry and the babies. Remus' eyes teared up the moment he set eyes on Harry and the babies. Ron was grinning but still seemed shy around Harry, especially when Severus was around. The twins declared that when they reopened their shop, they would have to make a line of baby toys in honour of Harry's children. Everyone exclaimed over their tiny hands and feet and black messy hair, “so like yours.” Healer Bradley congratulated them and said she would check back the next day. Finally, Mrs Weasley shooed them all out and Harry was alone with Severus and the two infants.

Harry sighed to himself, yawning slightly, but refusing to close his eyes. He was almost afraid that they'd be gone when he woke up again.

"The Healer suggested you should try to breastfeed them," Severus pointed out, propping Harry up with pillows. They had a cot in the room but would probably need a second one eventually. Since both infants were so small, Harry figured they would fit together in the one cot for now.

"Oh ... oh yeah," Harry whispered, needing to pull the nightshirt up, but his hands were full. "Sev, help?"

Severus hesitated, but then reached for the nearest baby, Rhys, and awkwardly took him from Harry.

"You'll have to get used to holding them," Harry reminded him as he pulled his shirt up. He noticed little Robin was making sucking motions with her mouth, and that had to mean she was hungry. "You are their father." He moved back against the pillow and hesitantly brought the girl up to one of his nipples, jumping slightly when the girl latched on. "Whoa!"

Severus was holding Rhys with both hands, staring down at him in apparent surprise. Rhys looked back. The two seemed fascinated with each other.

Robin was sucking and it was the weirdest feeling, a bit uncomfortable but also amazing. "Sev," he whispered, watching him stare at the baby before he started to shift closer. "Wanna bring him over and see if he’s hungry too?"

Severus blinked and looked up, face slightly flushed as he laid Rhys back in the crook of Harry's arm. He had to help Harry situate the baby so he could latch on as well, making sure Rhys was sucking. Harry stared in awe at the two small heads against his breasts. "This feels so funny," he said softly. "I hope they're getting milk."

"Not at first, but the fluid is good for them. The suckling will trigger milk production," Severus explained.

"Oh, good," Harry whispered, and then sighed again, looking at Severus and puckering his lips for a kiss. Severus rolled his eyes but took the hint, kissing Harry before moving to change into his own nightshirt.

"Two means twice the work and even less sleep," he pointed out, unnecessarily, of course.

"Two babies and two parents," Harry pointed out.

"Yes, but only one of us can feed them," Severus pointed out. "I suppose that means I will wind up changing the nappies."

Harry grinned. "Yes, exactly. Could you get them those little body suit things? They probably won't fit these tiny things, but we can fix that."

Severus got the clothing and nappies and laid them out on the bed. Robin looked like she was done, asleep at the nipple, so he reached to lift her and place her on the bed. The clothing was much too big so Severus shrunk it down and then began carefully dressing the child. Harry watched Severus' long thin fingers use the same precision he normally used in potions.

Harry smiled as he pulled Rhys off a moment later when he realised that this baby had fallen asleep as well. Harry laid him down on the bed and reached for a nappy, wrapping that around his small bottom before he started to carefully dress the baby.

Severus tucked the two infants into the cot, side by side, and then stood staring at them again. "Like little miniatures of you," he teased.

"Boy and girl versions," Harry said, grinning. He took the clean nightshirt Severus had got out for him and changed into it. Severus lay back down and held his arms open for Harry, who shifted in closer and rested his head on Severus' chest, breathing in deeply. He felt his eyes stinging him quite suddenly, tears welling up and his throat growing tight. "I did it."

"You certainly did," Severus said. "You not only survived and destroyed the madman, you have your whole life ahead of you and two children to raise."

Harry blinked a few times, his tears dripping onto Severus' chest. "Why don't you ever include yourself?"

Severus winced, reaching to wipe away Harry's tears. "I suppose because I still cannot believe that I am here, that you have married me, and included me in your future this way."

Harry looked up at him. "Please include yourself. You and these children are my future. I want you to believe that."

Severus smiled then, cupping Harry's cheek. "Then let me say it clearly, so you will have no misunderstanding. I will admit that I originally watched out for you because of my feelings toward your mother and then to ensure my vows to Albus. Along the way though, I found myself admiring your spirit and determination. At some point, I fell in love with you. We took oaths yesterday, and I meant every word of mine. I intend to remain beside you and care for you and our children for the rest of my life. I love you, Harry."

Harry's face brightened, despite having tear tracks down his face. "Good. Because I meant every single word I said, too. I love you, Sev, and I always will. As long you know and acknowledge that, I can be happy."

Severus bent to kiss Harry, lips firm and gentle, as he held Harry's face in his hands. "I will," he whispered.

They kissed like that for a while longer before Harry settled back against Severus’ chest. Yet, even though he was exhausted, he didn't fall sleep, not with his mind still awake.

Harry was thinking of everything – his years at Hogwarts, being on the run, being captured and held prisoner, Severus taking care of him, being turned into a woman, having two miscarriages, being rescued by the Order. He thought of finding out he was pregnant again, getting Severus' Patronus that said he loved him, being taken back to the Manor only to be forced to marry Voldemort, killing the man finally and rescuing Severus. And even though his mind wouldn't stop replaying and reminding, it didn't bother him as much as it usually did. None of it could change the way he felt right then. He would probably have nightmares still, he'd probably have bad days that would make him feel like he'd lose hope. Yet, now he had Severus. And Robin and Rhys. And Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, Bill, Fleur, Remus, and Tonks. He'd make it. Harry was alive and, most importantly, loved.


[So you have reached the end of the story, Held in Darkness. We hope you have enjoyed it and will tell us about it. And yes, before you ask, we are working on a sequel.

There is a FIC PAGE for Held in Darkness which addition information including (as available) links to: individual chapters, any sequel(s), author's notes, other archive locations, ebooks/pdfs, translations and (if lucky) any supplemental materials such as fan art.]





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